1.Columbus's Telephone Number
Little Mary: I find in my history book there is always such number (1451--1560) after the name Christopher Columbus. Would you please explain why, sir?
Little Rose: I can tell her, sir. It was Columbus's telephone number.
2. An Essential Correction
Teacher: David, why don't you wash your face? I can see what you had for breakfast this morning?
David: What was it ?
David: Wrong, teacher. That was yesterday.
3.The Reason of Being Late
Teacher: Johnny, why are you late for school every morning?
Johnny: Every time I come to the corner, a guidepost says, 'School -- Go Slow'.
A teacher had set his class an essay in "A Game of Cricket". After two minutes Simon Steel handed his paper in and was allowed to go home. His essay read: "Rain stopped play."
Tom: How's your little brother, Johnny?
Johnny: He's ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tom: That's too bad. How did it happen?
Johnny: We betted who could lean further out of the window, and he won.
6.The longest and the shortest
A teacher asked asked one of his students:" What is the longest and what is the shortest?" The student answered immediately:" The last several minutes of a class is the longest, while the last several minutes of an exam is the shortest."
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
The teacher asked Tom: "Why did you come to school so late this morning?" "Someone lost one yuan." Answered Tom. "Oh, now I know, you helped him find the money," the teacher said. "No, I stood on the money until the person went away," was Tom's reply.
9.A physics Examination
Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.
The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?
Nick's answer: Because our eyes are before ears.
10.An Abstract Drawing
One day in a drawing class, the teacher told the class to draw an abstract drawing.
After a while, a small boy turned his drawing in. The teacher looked at it but saw nothing, only a piece of white paper.
"What did you draw?" said the teacher.
"A cow eats grass," the boy answered.
"Where is the grass?"
"The cow has eaten it up." replied the boy.
"Well, but where is the cow?" the teacher asked again.
"It ate up the grass and then went away to drink water."
11.Writing a Composition
One day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition -- If I Am a Manager.
All the students began to write except a boy. The teacher went to him and asked the reasons.
"I am waiting for my secretary," was the boy's answer.
Teacher: Stone, give me three reasons why you know the Earth to be round.
Stone: Ma says so, Pa says so, and you say so!
13. When Was Rome Built?
Teacher: When was Rome built?
Tom: At night.
Teacher: Who told you that?
Tom: You did. You said Rome wasn't built in a day.
14.An Abstract Noun
Teacher: What's an abstract noun, Jane?
Jane: I don't know, madam.
Teacher: What, you don't know! Well. It's the name of a thing which you can think of but cannot touch. Now, give me an example.
Jane: A red-hot poker, madam.
The professor rapped on his desk and shouted:
The entire class yelled “Beer!”
16. Nobody's perfect
Teacher: Harris -- you're no good at all --you can't add, subtract, multiply or divide. You're unable to figure out the simplest of problems, and you got a zero in every test but one.
Harris: But, sir -- nobody's perfect!