校园幽默选


 

1.Columbus's Telephone Number

Little Mary: I find in my history book there is always such number (1451--1560) after the name Christopher Columbus. Would you please explain why, sir?
Little Rose: I can tell her, sir. It was Columbus's telephone number.

                                                        哥伦布的电话号码
小玛丽:我在历史书中发现,克里斯托。哥伦布这个名字后老是有(1451-1560)着几个数字,老师,请您给解释一下好吗?
小罗斯:老师,我能告诉她。那是哥伦布的电话号码。

2. An Essential Correction

Teacher: David, why don't you wash your face? I can see what you had for breakfast this morning?

David: What was it ?

Teacher: Eggs.

David: Wrong, teacher. That was yesterday.

                                         实质性的纠正
教师:大卫,你为什么不洗脸?我看得出你今天早饭吃了什么。
大卫:我吃了什么?
教师:鸡蛋。
大卫:错了,老师。那是昨天吃的。

3.The Reason of Being Late

Teacher: Johnny, why are you late for school every morning?
Johnny: Every time I come to the corner, a guidepost says, 'School -- Go Slow'.

                                                     迟到的原因
老 师:约翰尼,为什么你每天早晨都迟到?
约翰尼:每当我经过学校附近的拐角处,就见路牌上写着"学校-缓行"。

4.Essay

A teacher had set his class an essay in "A Game of Cricket". After two minutes Simon Steel handed his paper in and was allowed to go home. His essay read: "Rain stopped play."


                                                                        作文
老师给学生出了个作文题:“一场板球赛”。两分钟后,西蒙。斯蒂尔交了作文,老师允许他回家了。他在作文上写道:“下雨,比赛终止。”

5.

Tom: How's your little brother, Johnny?

Johnny: He's ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tom: That's too bad. How did it happen?

Johnny: We betted who could lean further out of the window, and he won.

6.The longest and the shortest

A teacher asked asked one of his students:" What is the longest and what is the shortest?" The student answered immediately:" The last several minutes of a class is the longest, while the last several minutes of an exam is the shortest."

7.Two Birds

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

                                                                        两只鸟
老师: 这儿有两只鸟,一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子,哪只是麻雀吗?
学生:我指不出,但我知道答案。
老师:请说说看。
学生:燕子旁边的就是麻雀,麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

8.

  The teacher asked Tom: "Why did you come to school so late this morning?" "Someone lost one yuan." Answered Tom. "Oh, now I know, you helped him find the money," the teacher said. "No, I stood on the money until the person went away," was Tom's reply.

9.A physics Examination

Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.
The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?
Nick's answer: Because our eyes are before ears.

                                                                一次物理考试
在一次物理考试时,当同学们都还在苦思冥想时,尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。
这个问题是:为什么在打雷时,我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声?
尼克的回答是:因为眼睛在前,耳朵在后。

10.An Abstract Drawing

  One day in a drawing class, the teacher told the class to draw an abstract drawing.
  After a while, a small boy turned his drawing in. The teacher looked at it but saw nothing, only a piece of white paper.
  "What did you draw?" said the teacher.
  "A cow eats grass," the boy answered.
  "Where is the grass?"
  "The cow has eaten it up." replied the boy.
  "Well, but where is the cow?" the teacher asked again.
  "It ate up the grass and then went away to drink water."

                                                          一幅抽象画
  一天美术课上,老师要同学们画一幅抽象画。
  一会儿工夫,一个小男孩交了他的作品,老师看了看,可上面什么也没有,只不过是一张白纸。
 “你画的是什么呀?”老师说。
 “牛吃草。”孩子答道。
 “草呢?”
 “牛把它吃光了。”孩子说。
 “那么,牛在哪儿呢?”老师又问。
 “吃完草,牛便喝水去了。”

11.Writing a Composition

One day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition -- If I Am a Manager.
All the students began to write except a boy. The teacher went to him and asked the reasons.
"I am waiting for my secretary," was the boy's answer.

                                                           写作文
天课上,老师要同学们以“如果我是一个经理”为题写一篇作文。所有学生都在动笔写了,只有一个男生例外。老师走过去问他为什么不写。
“我在等我的秘书”。那孩子答道。

12.Three Reasons

Teacher: Stone, give me three reasons why you know the Earth to be round.
Stone: Ma says so, Pa says so, and you say so!

                                                           三条理由
老师:“斯通,说出三条理由来证实地球是圆的。”
斯通:妈妈是这么说的,爸爸是这么说的,你也是这么说的!

13. When Was Rome Built?

Teacher: When was Rome built?
Tom: At night.
Teacher: Who told you that?
Tom: You did. You said Rome wasn't built in a day.

                                                      罗马是什么时候建成的?
教师:罗马是什么时候建成的?
汤姆:夜里。
教师:谁跟你这么说的?
汤姆:是您。您说罗马不是在一个白天建成的。

14.An Abstract Noun

Teacher: What's an abstract noun, Jane?
Jane: I don't know, madam.
Teacher: What, you don't know! Well. It's the name of a thing which you can think of but cannot touch. Now, give me an example.
Jane: A red-hot poker, madam.

                                                             抽象名词
老师:珍妮,什么叫抽象名词?
珍妮:我不知道,老师。
老师:什么,你不知道!抽象名词就是能想象但是不能摸到的东西的名称。好,给我举一个例子。
珍妮:一把烧得通红的拨火棍,老师。

15. Beer

The professor rapped on his desk and shouted:
“Gentlemen, order!”
The entire class yelled “Beer!”

                                                                       啤酒
教授敲打着桌子喊道:“诸位,请安静!”
全班大声喊:“啤酒!”

16. Nobody's perfect

Teacher: Harris -- you're no good at all --you can't add, subtract, multiply or divide. You're unable to figure out the simplest of problems, and you got a zero in every test but one.
Harris: But, sir -- nobody's perfect!

                                                                  没有十全十美的人
老师:哈里斯--你算是没治了--你不会算加减法,你也不会算除法,你算不出最简单的问题,你除了一次考试其它都得了零分。
哈里斯:可是,先生-- 世界上没有十全十美的人。